If tomorrow starts without me23:56 Feb 27 2009
Times Read: 553
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find
Your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn’t get to say,
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you!,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I’d have to leave behind;
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you,
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
Send this to all you care about…….
Because you never know what’s
Going to happen tomorrow…….
Show them now you care,
Before it’s too late…..
This is something I wanted to share
With all of my friends and family!
“Happiness is a choice”
May God watch over you and your families now and always.
There is no right time to do the wrong thing…..
There is no wrong time to do the right thing…..
Each of you has touched my life in a special way.
I thank God for each one of you,
And count it a privilege to call you “friend” or
Say that you are a part of my family!
God Be With You Always,
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'00:59 Feb 25 2009
Times Read: 558
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young
husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on
his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her
killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a
spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't
have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened
his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie
sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down
payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart
store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to
strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last
breath & slumped to the floor.......
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder
scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no
choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the
hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately
called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the
store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole
sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless
husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...
(You're going to hate me for this ... )
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'
Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff
What Religion is Your Bra?
17:16 Feb 14 2009
Times Read: 563
A man walked into the ladies department of Myer ' s
and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I ' d like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra? '
asked the clerk.
' Type? ' inquires the man, ' There ' s more than one type? '
' Look around, '
said the saleslady,
as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour
and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from . '
Relieved, the man asked
about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,
the Salvation Army,
the Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer? '
Now totally befuddled,
the man asked about
the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
'It is all really quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills. '
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why,
but couldn ' t figure out
what the letters stood for,
it is about time
you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can ' t Complain!..
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I ' ve fallen
and I can ' t get up!...
lol03:38 Feb 11 2009
Times Read: 568
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
Carton of eggs Quart of orange juice Head of romaine lettuce 2 lb. can of coffee 1 lb... package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what,you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
22:43 Feb 04 2009
Times Read: 584
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If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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Can you cry under water?
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease did cured ham actually have?
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
2012
22:42 Feb 04 2009
Times Read: 585
2012 geophysical and cosmological speculations
John Major Jenkins and others [10] claim that an alignment will occur when the sun rises above the horizon on December 21 2012, at which point the sun will rise in the middle of the Milky Way Galaxy, thus causing an alignment between the earth, sun, and the galactic center.[11] It is claimed that this event will cause numerous changes on Earth. However, the event is only a visual phenomenon from the earth's perspective, which is caused by the precession of the equinoxes or the 26,000 year wobble of the earth, and thus only changes our perspective, not the actual position of the earth in relation to the galaxy. In short, there is no gravitational force or radiation to be expected from this event because other than the tilt of the earth, nothing will be any different from what occurs in any other solstice. [12][13][14]
There are also claims such as those of Michael Tsarion [15] that an actual physical alignment of our entire solar system will occur with the horizontal plane of the Milky Way Galaxy on that day. The solar system is moving around the center of the galaxy every 225 million years or so, and while doing so is moving up and down in a cycle crossing the plane every 33 million years. According to the Journal Nature, however, there is evidence of the solar system crossing the galactic plane 3 million years ago. This would mean that we are moving away from the galactic plane, not toward it, and we will not be due to cross it for another 30 million years.[16]
There are also theories that a currently unknown planet, sometimes referred to as planet x or Nibiru, which supposedly has an odd orbit that only enters the local solar system every 3600 years will return in 2012 causing many problems. [17] The idea is traced back to Zecharia Sitchin's translations of Sumerian texts, and specifically to his interpretation of the VA 243 cylinder seal, which he says shows that the Sumerians knew of 12 planets (sun, moon, and ten others). This idea has been challenged by his peers, most notably Michael Heiser. [18] [19]
Among other possible scenarios is that a shift of the Earth's magnetic poles may occur, and that this will leave the earth vulnerable to harmful radiation from the sun.[20] According to NASA magnetic pole reversal does not occur on a particular day or year, but over the course of thousands of years. Furthermore, the magnetic field does not vanish during this natural cycle, but becomes more complex as it makes the transition.[21]
Some proponents of the pole shift scenario claim that this shift would be a physical movement of the poles of the earth, and not simply a magnetic shift. This event is called a true polar wander. Earth has experienced a few degree shift in the past, but nowhere near a reversal, and there is no reason to suggest this is likely or even possible. According to William Sager, a Texas A&M Oceanographer, a slight shift in the physical pole occurs at a rate between 5 and 10 degrees per million years, which means that this event could not happen on a particular day or year but only over a long period of time. [22]
2012 metaphysical speculations
2012 is claimed by some with New age beliefs to be a great year of spiritual transformation (or alternatively an apocalypse). There is disagreement among believers whether 2012 will see an end of civilization, or humanity will be elevated to a higher level.[23]
Many esoteric sources[who?] interpret the completion of the thirteenth B'ak'tun cycle in the Long Count of the Maya calendar (which occurs on December 21 by the most widely held correlation) to mean there will be a major change in world order.
Several authors have published works which claim that a major, world-changing event will take place in 2012:
The 1997 book The Bible Code by Michael Drosnin claims that, according to certain algorithms of the Bible code, an asteroid or comet will collide with the Earth. Drosnin also states in his book that the Bible code only predicts possibilities.
The 2006 book 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl by Daniel Pinchbeck discusses theories of a possible global awakening to psychic connection by the year 2012, creating a noosphere.
Riley Martin claims that Biaviian aliens will allow passage aboard their 'Great Mother Ship' when the Earth is 'transformed' in 2012.
Terence McKenna's numerological novelty theory suggests a point of singularity in which humankind will go through a great shift in consciousness.
Dannion Brinkley, in his 2007 book, Secrets of the Light, a follow-up to his 1995 bestseller Saved by the Light, claims "that by the year 2012 humanity will experience unprecedented mental and spiritual transformations, coinciding precisely with the Earth's passage through great physical upheaval" (Brinkley 96).[24]
thought this was neat22:40 Feb 04 2009
Times Read: 586
KURTIS AND BRENDA
Read until the end please.....
KURTIS THE STOCK BOY AND BRENDA THE CHECKOUT GIRL
In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new
voice came over the loud speaker asking for a carry out at register 4.
Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and
decided to answer the call. As he approached the check-out stand a
distant smile caught his eye, the new check-out girl was beautiful.
She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he fell in
love.
Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock
to find out her name. She came into the break room, smiled softly at
him, took her card and punched out, then left. He looked at her card,
BRENDA. He walked out only to see her start walking up the road.
Next day, he waited outside as she left the supermarket, and offered
her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When he
dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again, outside of
work. She simply said it wasn't possible.
He pressed and she explained she had two children and she couldn't
afford a baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter.
Reluctantly she accepted his offer for a date for the following
Saturday.
That Saturday night he arrived at her door only to have her tell him
that she was unable to go with him. The baby-sitter had called and
canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take the kids
with us."
She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but
again not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda,
brought him inside to meet her children. She had an older daughter
who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis thought, then Brenda brought out
her son, in a wheelchair. He was born a paraplegic with Down
Syndrome.
Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't
come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a
woman with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like
her first husband and father of her children had done. Kurtis was not
ordinary - - - he had a different mindset.
That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and
the movies. When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of
him. When he needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his
wheelchair, took him and brought him back.
The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda
knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her
life with.
A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children.
Since then they have added two more kids.
So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the check-out
girl? Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona , where he is
currently employed as the quarterback of the National Football League
Arizona Cardinals and has his Cardinals in the hunt for a possible
Super Bowl victory.
Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he was not an
ordinary person.
It should be noted that he also quarterbacked the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI.
He has also been the NLF's Most Valuable Player twice and the Super
Bowl's Most Valuable Player.
AND THE REST OF THE STORY:
Today at church our minister mentioned that when Kurt, his wife and 7
children go out to eat he has one of his children pick out a family
eating at the restaurant. Kurt then tells the wait staff he is picking
up the tab for that family's dinner anonymously.
He remembers the days he was working nights in the grocery store and
feeding his family on food stamps.
COMMENTS
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